Jealousy

Jealousy is a complex set of emotions composed of fear, sadness, anger, and self-criticism, experienced when a person feels they are not being emotionally reciprocated as they believe they should be. It is a very common emotion in children, who may develop feelings of resentment and envy when the affection and attention from their attachment figures—usually parents or caregivers—seem threatened by the presence of others.

Childhood jealousy can appear at a very early age and evolves as the child grows:

• Early childhood, from six months to two years: Babies show clear preferences for their attachment figures and express distress when they do not receive their attention.
• From two to six years of age: The child develops social and emotional skills, as well as an understanding of relationships. Jealousy becomes more complex, and the child competes with others for the attention of their attachment figures.
• School age, from six years onward: Jealousy extends beyond the family environment and may arise at school or among friends. A child may feel jealous if another classmate receives more recognition or success in valued areas such as academics, popularity, or sports.

Jealousy is based on two main feelings: dethronement and guilt. Both affect the child’s self-esteem, who then feels unworthy of attention. This emotional conflict causes the child to go through a grieving process with three distinct phases:

• Protest: Characterized by anger.
• Despair: Sadness is predominant.
• Resignation: Apathy and lack of motivation appear.

Symptoms

Indicators of jealousy in children can vary greatly depending on their age, personality, and environment. In general, the most common symptoms include:

• Sadness and frequent crying.
• Unexplained mood swings, tantrums.
• Verbal expressions of not feeling loved.
• Physical complaints without apparent cause.
• Social withdrawal.
• Regressive behavior: adoption of previously outgrown behaviors to get attention, such as bedwetting, refusal to eat alone, wanting to sleep with parents, baby talk, or thumb-sucking.
• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns.
• Stubbornness, disobedience, and defiant behavior.
• Blaming others for their problems and attitudes, especially those perceived as rivals.
• Aggressive and violent behaviors toward the person seen as a threat.

Causes

Jealousy arises in situations that disrupt the previously established family dynamic. The child feels a sense of loss and emotionally responds through jealousy. The most common causes of childhood jealousy include:

• Birth of a sibling. Jealousy can also be directed toward an older sibling.
• The child’s preference for or dependence on one parent, leading to jealousy toward the other.
• Parental favoritism toward other siblings.
• Blended families: the child may feel jealous of a parent’s new partner or their children.
• Rivalry among peers for the attention of teachers or coaches.

Risk Factors

The likelihood of a child developing jealousy increases under the following conditions:

• Sensitive, rigid, and insecure temperament with low tolerance for change and difficulty expressing emotions.
• Frequent and unnecessary comparisons with others, especially siblings, made by family members.
• Emotional deprivation during early childhood.
• Excessive overprotection by parents or caregivers.
• Over-involvement by parents in sibling conflicts.
• Very strict family environment.

Complications

Generally, jealousy is an adaptive mechanism and tends to decrease or disappear as the child matures. However, in some cases, jealousy is persistent, frequent, and intense, causing significant distress within the family environment. In such cases, it may be classified as morbid jealousy or pathological jealousy (celotipia), a psychological disorder requiring professional intervention. If left untreated, it may persist into adulthood, affecting personality development and disrupting interpersonal relationships.

Prevention

The risk of jealousy can be minimized by fostering a family environment that is open and communicative, where affection and support are shared equally. Fair treatment should be emphasized, avoiding comparisons and highlighting and validating each family member’s positive traits.

What kind of doctor treats jealousy?

Childhood jealousy is diagnosed and treated by specialists in child psychology and psychiatry.